The Downside to Being Perfect

Is it good to be chirpy all the time?

I’ve been asking myself this lately because I am, mostly, chirpy. Over the years, I’ve become fairly comfortable in my own skin. And on the odd day when I’m not comfortable in that skin, I go jog it off. Simple.

But… despite several near-chances, and a still highly-confident agent (thank you, Alex!), I remain in waiting for the big break that my fans and supporters believe will come for my debut novel (thank you, guys, your support means so much to me!). And not having that big break more frequently than ever cuts into my self-esteem (among other things). Usually I shrug this off and carry on. It’s difficult to write when preoccupied with self-pity, so I elect to just get on with things. Novel #2 is done now and will soon be sent to publishers (watch out publishers, it’s coming your way!). Novel #3 is half-complete. So things are progressing and I ought to be content with that. I am content with that. I have a great agent, fans and supporters, competition wins, published short stories… and my personal life is wonderful, with a great Hubbie, two great kids, a house in the suburbs and no bombs flying overhead. So chirpy I remain.

But does being consistently chirpy have a downside?

I think it might. You see, a close friend of mine last year told me that she had difficulty sympathising with any problems I might have because…

your life is perfect

In truth, I’d suspected she felt this way for a while and it was a relief to finally hear it out loud. At the same time, it hurt because this particular friend was/is aware of the past personal struggles that paved the way for my life today and so, out of everyone, she should have appreciated that my chirpy little content life is at a level deserved. I don’t know how to handle that friendship now either, because there’s an imbalance – she perceives her problems as being greater than mine. What do I do with that? Don’t we all have problems? Isn’t friendship about sharing them?

She made me think, though, too – had I in some way contributed to her perception of my life as being perfect? And might others feel this way too?

Possibly.

I don’t think that my life is ‘perfect’. Hubbie and I have our financial struggles, same as everyone else. We doubt ourselves as parents, same as everyone else. We work hard every day, at night too. We constantly self-improve our home. We constantly strive for the best from ourselves. We have our health issues. None of it is easy. But because we’re the type to just knuckle down and just get on with things, we do achieve a fair amount.

The downside to this though, I’ve now realised, is that if we constantly knuckle down and get on with things, if we don’t ever stop to let ourselves feel miserable about the struggles we do have – our friends don’t get to experience our journey with us and so can’t appreciate how deserved our achievements are when we eventually make them.

Perhaps if I had allowed my friend to see me upset with my struggles more often, she might have sympathised with me more too?

So, with that in mind, when I was feeling all deflated last week (it was simply one of those weeks), I went against my chirpy nature and posted about it on Facebook. I wasn’t feeling like getting on with things, so shared that:

FacebookBrave

We writers often have down moments like this, when we feel as if we’re never going to get where we want to go – where we know we ought to be. And the replies I got to my post were so very lovely and thoughtful and kind – thank you, my kind, lovely thoughtful supporters!

So I want to try and share my down moments with you more often. Not too often, because after all I’m not the whinging type. But perhaps if I share my occasional down moment with you, if I make sure you get to experience my full writing journey, as it happens, then when I do finally achieve my goals, you’ll be there celebrating alongside me.

Now, with those goals in mine, I’m going back to my normal state of mind now, and bringing chirpy back. If you want to join me, here’s a video to get you there:

Want to see me fail? You’re better off trying to freeze hell…

Zena Shapter

Zena Shapter writes from a castle in a flying city hidden by a thundercloud, reaching across age and genre into the heart of storytelling. A multi-award-winning author of speculative and contemporary fiction, she teaches writing at festivals, libraries and schools, judges various literary awards, mentors and edits other writers, and encourages everyone to value the importance of creativity. She loves movies, frogs, chocolate, and potatoes, though not at the same time!

2 Comments:

  1. I always enjoy your blogs Zena, but this one hit particularly close to the bone. I also live my life with my glass half full but I also have days as a writer where it doesn’t matter how brilliant someone says my novel is, I feel completely the opposite. Your honest and down-to-earth admissions are just what I needed to clear #writersblock – thank you!

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