(Or, five things I have learnt from attending recent writery parties)
There are many reasons to be jolly during the festive season, but it’s also a time of being mindful of others. If you don’t want to make any festive faux pas, at writery events, family or work parties, then all you have to do is…
1. Be aware
This time of year is an especially reflective one for most people. We take stock of how the year has gone compared to how we wanted it to go, and our perspective of that can get skewed by how someone reacts to our summary when presented. So if you’re in conversation with someone and it sounds like they haven’t had a good year, help them see what they have actually achieved, rather than what they haven’t – because every achievement brings us a step closer to our goals. Be impressed. Encourage. Everyone will always need plates…
2. Remember
If you feel like complaining, go for it – but just remember who’s listening. Sure you’ve got to fix the house up a bit these holidays, which is a drag. But it’s a drag many people would love to have. Sure it’s too hot, or too cold, it’s raining or stuffy. Again, many people would love to have the weather you do. And just before you go and complain about the stash of edits you have to get to your publisher, or the big family you have to accommodate for a particular lunch or gathering – watch out for those listening politely who’d love to have a publisher, or whose family is overseas, unwell, or both. They might be smiling, but inside, or later, they’ll feel bad about not having a publisher yet, or not being able to be with their nearest and dearest at this particularly special time of year.
3. Be cautious
When celebrating your year’s successes, be cautious around others who might have had bad news – yes, even at this time of year. Believe it or not, but last year I received a story rejection on Christmas Day! Needless to say, my estimation of those publishers instantaneously and dramatically decreased! What were they thinking? Some businesses don’t think any further than their own needs. Mine was a small disappointment, but some people can have greater career or business issues that mean their festive season becomes mere struggle and strain. So be happy but cautious – the festive season is not the bad-news-buffer we often assume it is.
4. Be gracious
Conversely, if you are being congratulated by a competitor for some end-of-year award you (or your child) have won, know that playing down that achievement does not make your competitor feel any better, it only offends. Despite the token nature your award may have, your competitor would still love to be in your position because it is at least an acknowledgment of effort. So saying thank you and congratulating them on their efforts over the year is better than down-playing your win.
5. Avoid tricky subjects
The festive season brings with it parties and gatherings that tempt us out (of our writing caves) and get us talking. However, religion can be a delicate subject this time of year, as is the tradition of gift-giving, who believes in Santa, whether you should walk or drive along colourfully lit-up streets, or whether those streets should be lit up at all when there are children starving in Africa. If a similarly sensitive subject comes up in conversation for you, this might not be the best time to dig in your heels and hunker down with your opinions. If ever there were a time to be open-minded, this is it. Social harmony is more important to people at this time of year than at others.
Me enjoying the NSW Writers’ Centre’s end-of-year party last week – being aware, cautious, gracious, remembering & avoiding tricky subjects!!
Of course over the season there will be many things and situations you simply can’t avoid. If you don’t know that today is the anniversary of someone’s death, how can you be wary of it? If someone is simply feeling down, whereas you’re in the mood to celebrate, why damper your spirits? It might even cheer them up! Plus, some faux pas are actually quite funny – check these out for a laugh.
And if you do stuff up, don’t worry – plenty of people will be making glorious mistakes of their own… There will be plenty of advertisers pushing January events, courses or product releases before 25 December not realising that they only make people feel as if the holiday season is over already… There will be book publishers and writers encouraging readers to order their latest books for Christmas, when in fact the last order date for international home-delivery of books via online retailers probably closed on 8 December… There will be writers getting drunk and trying to push their manuscripts on agents, editors and publishers who just want to enjoy some festive cheer in their down time… There will be regretful snogs, family arguments, glasses broken, and incorrect gift choices.
But if all you do is think a little before leaping into conversation, you should sail through the festive season without any guilt the next day.
Good luck and have fun! I hope my five tips help 🙂
The gift of good company is always welcome! (Little boxes of seasonal joy from the Northern Beaches Writers’ Group end-of-year party.)
