Life doesn’t always go to plan. This week I’ve received a career knock back every single day. Every – single – day. I celebrate a lot of my successes on this blog, but it’s just as important to share my behind-the-scene disappointments – that way you get to experience my journey with me! It isn’t always woo hoo and hurray! Social media is about sharing experiences after all. So, let me ask you this: how do you handle career knock backs?
Usually for me it’s a 5-stage process. It takes that long for things to settle after the storm of disappointment that’s swept through.
Stage 1
Stage 1 involves sadness. It fills my chest and drags down the corners of my mouth making it hard to smile. I consider giving up. I wonder, how much more can I take? I’m disappointed not only with whatever hasn’t gone my way, but all my previous disappointments cave in on me. Am I wasting my time? I want both to be alone, and not to be left with the grey loneliness of feeling miserable.
Stage 2
Stage 2 kicks in the minute my brain starts problem-solving. It’ll throw an idea at me, and that’s when I know I’m starting to move on, to adapt. Okay, I tell myself, so if this is the way things are going to be, what can I do next? What if I try this or that? I bounce around ideas. I accept the new way things are going to be and find a work around. Can I figure out why things didn’t go the way I wanted and try again? I analyse. More ideas come. This makes me feel better and moves me into stage 3.
Stage 3
Stage 3 involves connecting with others. I seek for reassurance that I’m not the only one having these same experiences. I often find that connection through talking with writer-friends who can identify, or through listening to music. I seek out songs that speak of fighting onwards, not giving up, facing unlikely odds and pushing on anyway. I look especially for songs about other artists pursuing their passions, aiming high and shooting for the stars. Today I listened to so many awesome songs I started a YouTube playlist for future use, and to share with you of course. I’m sorry, I like pop, so the playlist reflects this! Here are two examples:
The rest of my playlist is here:
Stage 4
Through listening to others’ similar journeys, I then move into stage 4, which involves gratitude. I take ownership of my journey and appreciate where I am, and what I’ve achieved to this point. I’m lucky to at least be who I am, where and when. Things could be so much worse.
Stage 5
Finally, with some ideas in mind, connections made, and my perspective adjusted, I reach the last stage – choice. I can choose to give up on the progress I’m trying to achieve, or I can choose to keep going. Most of the time, I choose to keep going, but not always. Ending a pursuit can be just as rewarding as continuing, as it can free you up to consider new opportunities. What else is out there waiting for me? Or if I just keep pushing a little further, will I achieve my goal? Either way, I tell myself that I’ll find my way eventually, and get busy searching for the how and when. I’ll get there, whatever it takes. It’s in my nature to persevere.
What about you, how do you handle knock backs? More importantly, have you got any tracks to add to my playlist?!!
I’m sorry to hear about the setbacks – but thank you for sharing your process of getting through them! My process is very much a work in progress, but in the past couple of years I’ve been focusing on improving my resilience in all areas of life, and that’s made a huge difference to me. I’ve learned that meditation and gratitude really can change your brain! And that alcohol does nothing good for me – maybe it works for some people, but I’ve been glad to leave it behind.
At the moment, as a competition announcement (or whatever “success” I’m pinning my hopes on) approaches, I always try to ensure I have another story submitted elsewhere, so I have something else to hope for.
When I do get let down, as we all do, I try to give myself space to feel it. If I don’t do this – if I dive straight into my next big push to set the writing world on fire – a couple of weeks down the line I’ll realise that my writing has stumbled, I’m eating rubbish, my exercise routine has fallen off, and I’m not sleeping. So: time to grieve!
I also find journalling a great way to get things back into perspective and buoy myself up again. We’re all writers for a reason – we write because it works for us, so let’s use it at the time we need it most. 🙂
Wishing you lots of luck with your next adventure – I’m sure a big one is just around the corner!
Wow, those are such good tips, Liz! I like to have lots of things on the go too. Thank you so much for sharing back 🙂
Btw, I have a “happy places” playlist for hard times, which is mostly full of 90s indie hits. 🙂 https://open.spotify.com/user/1137900819/playlist/2OvYzF7QQ0kFUMPgBYxeCw?si=O7kVE2HKSp-EzouMi8ZrGA
Oooo, I’m going to have to listen to that. Thanks, Liz!
I didn’t know you were experiencing hard times? I thought everything was going well? Sorry to hear it. I guess I’m different even though I have a hard time almost every day. There’s usually something that wants to kick me where it’ll hurt. Interspersed with pleasantries, of course. I usually fight and rail against the situation. It doesn’t change it but I feel better releasing the emotional energy. I guess I’ve learned to live with it – the status quo is unlikely to change (in my opinion). So, I’m just waiting for the end. That’s when peace will reign. As for music’s role in all this, not sure if it works for me the way it does for you. But it does provide some escapism. The music I like isn’t pop music and tends to be anything without lyrics, e.g. movie soundtracks. If it does have lyrics it’s something industrial (Trent Reznor) and darkwave goth (Fraunhofer Diffraction). Really enjoying A Perfect Circle’s new album, Eat the Elephant. I don’t have a ‘happy places’ playlist like Liz, but I have playlists. Two recent playlists I made were ‘how to defuse an atomic bomb’ and ‘to reduce the noise’, and they probably say a lot about me. Not sure if you’ll like it, but you can find ‘to reduce the noise’ here: https://open.spotify.com/user/1242819800/playlist/4CvLZ5EbzoSIinboCz1CZn
Thanks for stopping by, Robert! Setbacks are part of life when you’re a writer, and I don’t know many writers who can avoid them. Five in five days is unusual of course.
I will definitely listen to your playlists! And I’m so sorry to hear you struggle to find peace in the here and now. I wish I knew the answer. Keep searching!
🙂